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By Jevan Pipitone 2018. You can use or copy any of my material as long as you add a link to the web page http://www.jevan.com.au/
ther - Dating and Friendship
Dating and Friendship - Some tips
- Be yourself as much as possible, of course don't say anything that makes
you look bad, but if your genuinely positive and of nice intentions person
like most people, then you can just say things.
- It doesn't really matter too much what you say, what is more important
is that you say something, anything (then give them a chance to
comment or reply). If they don't like what you say, then your obviously not
clicking together, and it's not a match. But remember to think of them
as good unless shown otherwise, start with positive assumptions.
- Be as accepting as possible of the other person, try not to think negative
of them - unless it's genuinely something they need to improve, otherwise
accept it and don't worry too much about it. For example if you don't drink
and you think they shouldn't, then you are better off finding someone that
doesn't drink, rather than thinking negative of them when they do which won't
- Smile, especially when you first see them. Can never go wrong by smiling
lots (but not if they say there's been a funeral),
people like smiley people. Unfortunately I tend to smile at everything, I'm
in the habit, which can cause uncomfortable moments if something not so happy
is mentioned and I smile. But its better than not smiling, to smile or not to
smile, clearly smiling is the answer.
- Talk to as many people as possible, try online, chat rooms, friendship
sites (such as meetme), (email) penpal sites, include people from overseas,
anyone you can chat to is great the more the merrier, dating sites,
friendship groups (such as meetup), try not to exclude anyone if possible
(unless not safe), if you find your are excluding
someone that could be the key to achieving your friendship
or dating success is to allow those people you are rejecting into your life.
For example I used to think only chat with people from my local area since
then I can meet up with them, but I found none would reply, then I emailed
with people from anywhere in the world and now people local want to
talk to me as well.
- If your sleeping with someone, try to have that person last as long as you
can, ie try not to break up, because it's better to stick with one person.
Same goes with friendship, try to keep your friends, except of course you
can always have more and more friends (as long as you have some time left).
If you want to sleep with someone, they should ideally be on the pill
as well as using a condom, for added protection from
possible STD or pregnancy. Two protective measures is more likely to work
than just one. If you have time, you can find a partner who is prepared to
- Friends and dating should be as close to your age as possible, it's only
fair, you have the same amount of life experience and so have a common ground
for talking about what you've done in the past for a similar timeframe, and
if you stay friends for life then you may live about the same time, so it
will be fairer on each other. I'd say 10 years older or younger is
probably possible if your in your 40s or 50s or 60s.
If your younger say in mid 20s then that's obviously too much difference,
but maximum 5 years difference is preferable generally.
As long as they are over 18 because of the need to exclude vulnerable
people/ kids/ teens in order to protect them from being taken advantage and
from possible harm due to differences in size of the person and also it's
a different stage of life the need to be around people your age is always
best and fairest. If you want to be especially good you can consider having
friends with people in disadvantaged situations such as physical disability,
or isolated etc that will be even more happy to know you and derive
happiness from knowing you, or a bit older (within 5yrs) can be an advantage
sometimes, because they may find you more attractive, which can be a benefit
if they are happier with you then you will be happier with them also.
- When they say something, ask in more detail about it, to show an interest,
and because you can enjoy the conversation about them. The more you discover
about them, the more you can have things to ask about, what did you do today,
what are your hobbies/interests, what do you hope to achieve in the next
5 or 10 years what are your short and long term goals. Explore all about them.
You can find websites with examples of conversation starters (questions).
- Play drama games together. For example in chat, can write one sentence each
and make a story together. I use it to put on my webpage (I tell them I'm
putting it there). Some good stories have come out of duo creations and it's
a lot of fun.
- Do things together you both enjoy, e.g. visit an art gallery, coffee/ hot
chocolate/ iced chocolate in a cafe, lunch, movie, short films, see a theatre
or dance production, etc there are lots of things to do. Maintain a list of
things to do and websites about those things.
- Find positive things about them and complement them on it. For example,
they are nice, happy, gentle, caring, considerate, humerous, fun to be with,
are beautiful, have beautiful eyes. Compliments always help, and when you
find something good about them, they will think of it also about you, since
it brings the topic to mind. How you see others, is a reflection of yourself.
So in order to achieve greater things, you can find more positive in others
which they will then see as positive in you as well.
- If you want more money, you can start wishing everyone financial
prosperity, they will start thinking about
your financial prosperity and it can lead to
things for yourself as well as them. What you do for others, for example help
them get a job or reach greater financial success, or do volunteer work,
will come back at you, through karma and you can receive the same thing
yourself as well eventually. Media publicity can also help, articles read
by many people written by yourself, can impact on your life things can happen
as a result of people forming opinions and thoughts and the resulting karma.
Karma meaning something that happens as a return side effect of something
you did (without actually requiring spoken word between people for it to
happen, it just happens or comes into your life, I think of it including that
if lots of people want or believe something it is more likely to happen),
what you do to for others, eventually may impact
on your own life as well when it comes back at you.
The example of using this in dating and friendship is that, by contacting
lots of people and keeping open to conversation between you and them,
others may do the same to you, therefore increasing even further your number
of friends or dates. By keeping it positive, you can increase the success
rate, because many people don't like negative emotions
(unless acting/ pretending and they know you are). Of course there's no
guarantee others will do the same for you, I don't usually get contacted by
many people on friendship and dating sites, I usually have to make the contact
myself, but it's certainly going to be better than if you don't contact many
- When chatting online, sometimes chat to more than one person at the
same time (in separate windows). It will add variety to all of your
chats since you can gain inspiration from multiple people at the
same time which helps them all.
- Join friendship and penpal websites such as:
tagged.com, meetme.com, pof.com, oasisactive.com, badoo.com, interpals.net